Everyone Must Be Drinking to Stay Inside GasPanic!

A long time ago, in what feels like a different life, I used to travel to Japan for work a lot.  The trips were always a blast, with lots of important partner meetings book-ended by lots of excellent food, fantastic people-watching, and mildly excessive drinking.  There was a bar that we particularly liked in the Roppongi district called GasPanic, supposedly named for the Sarin gas attacks in the Tokyo subway system several years earlier (why someone would think this was a good idea, I have no clue).  From their website, a classically Japanese point of view:

[GASPANIC] offers a special atmosphere that helps its customers to forget about their daily, hectic lifestyles. Any bars can serve alcoholic beverages, but GASPANIC likes to offer an energetic atmosphere to make its customers smile and give everyone a great time. 

And in the bar was a sign to ensure that you weren't just hanging out taking up space - "Everyone Must Be Drinking to Stay Inside GASPANIC!" 

Anyway, I've been thinking about that the last week or so as I've been dealing with yet another crazy chemo side-effect - this time strange pressure in my chest that makes me feel like I'm having a panic attack - except I'm totally fine, breathing normally, and it only happens when I'm relaxing.  My doctor thinks it's just reflux caused by the chemo presenting itself strangely, and every test they've done shows that I'm just fine, but just like I've read that smiling can make people happy, feeling like I'm having a panic attack has been making me...well...let's just say stressed out.  

Part of me is just astounded at how strange the human body is, and part of me is just so completely ready to be feeling all better that I can't stand it. Calming thoughts sent my way would be very welcome right about now.

Out with a Bang, also known as #ChemOver

It’s Saturday night, and Monday is my last dose of chemo. 

On balance, I’ve been super lucky through the second chemo drug I’ve been on for the last 11 weeks.  I’ve had relatively mild side effects, specifically managing to avoid the neuropathy that’s a common side effect.  My “Chemo Salons” (where all sorts of interesting friends have come to keep me company while I’m at the hospital) have been amazing – a wonderful way to reconnect with friends I haven’t seen in a while, and an almost guilt-inducing chance to have kid-free conversations with some of my favorite parent friends.  And my wonderful family and friend support system have continued to pitch in to help keep the rest of my life running relatively smoothly. 

However, this last week has been kind of a pain in the ass.  I’ve been unnaturally grumpy in a way that I can tell is somewhat medication related (because usually I’m just a peach!) and my mouth and tongue sores have come back, probably because I stopped being as hard core about chewing ice during my treatments.  Work has been full of fire drills and re-orgs, nothing serious, but a lot of running in circles.  I’m nervous about what radiation will be like and sad that my in-laws are going home on Tuesday.  I think most of all though, I’m just ready to be done. 

The good news is I’m almost there.  I have an awesome lineup of friends planning to come to my last chemo day (if you’re reading this I’d love to have you stop by too!) and I’m ready to call #ChemOver and move onto the next phase.  Wish me luck!